Outside MY Box...

My mother somehow took my daughter behind my back and I am now fighting for her in the courts for custody. My best friend hit it perfectly when she said now that I am doing so well my mom doesn't have anyone to take care of anymore. Just so everyone knows I maintain my innosense about the allegations my mother has made about me. They made me sick to my stocmach when I read what she had said about me. This hurts so bad because not only have I lost my daughter for a time I have permantly lost my entire family. I can't forgive the unforgiveable. I have tried for many years to make my mom love me and no matter how well I do in life she can't or won't love me. No matter what I do it's not good enough either. I have spent the last year and a half re-inventing myself. I love who I am today. I have self-esteem, courage, self-worth and so many other things that I have never had before. It's too bad my mom can't let go of the past and see her daughter for who she is today. I will keep ya'll updated on my situation and how things turn out. Also one of the things I am being accused of is having picture's of my kids online. Last I knew this wasn't a crime. If ya'll could help me out and let me know if I am wrong or what I would greatly appreciate it. I have pics of my kids online as a kind of worldly "Brag Book". My understanding is this is what a lot of other people do as well. Please let me know what ya'll think of this..........Thank You!!! Another foot note......I have been clean and sober for over 8 months now. April 3rd was 8 months.....God it feels GREAT!!! I have finally found my Higher Power and I have put all my trust into him and just pray that I make it through this situation. That and a lot of NA and AA meetings...LOL!

Hey guys! sorry I've been gone for so long. I have started up 2 companies and they are taking all of my time up. I rally need a 48 hour day......lol. I am beyond stressed out and absolutely no social life. It been easy behavin' myself because I don't have any time to get into trouble. Still lookin for "The One"..........lmfao........that is NEVER gunna happen. Everyone that I run into ends up being a lying, cheating, stealing idiot. I know some of ya'll got brothers out there........hook a girl up!!! All I want is a Good Ol' Country Boy...hehe.I haven't workin on this body this hard for nothin'! Well anyways I just wanted to let y'all know where I had dissapeared off to. Leave me a message, I love hearing from all of my friends.It will DEFINITELY brighten my day while I work.TTYL!!!

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
becciz goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Stockcar Driver.
angelita1984 tricks you! You get a 3.5-inch floppy disc.
dazdncnfuzd88 tricks you! You get a wad of paper.
i_cunt_hear_you tricks you! You get a used tissue.
miggity12 tricks you! You get a wet rag.
mouse_gerald tricks you! You get a rotten egg.
ms_sadsmile gives you 3 light green licorice-flavoured nuggets.
shekill gives you 3 white cherry-flavoured wafers.
tempe_rivka gives you 12 brown grape-flavoured jawbreakers.
tofindhelena gives you 15 milky white evil-flavoured jawbreakers.
becciz ends up with 33 pieces of candy, a 3.5-inch floppy disc, a wad of paper, a used tissue, a wet rag, and a rotten egg.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Sorry guys I haven't updated my journal lately. I am getting very depressed for some reason. Work isn't going so well, my boss is always yellin at me. I am sooooooooo lonely it just isn't funny anymore. I'm still sober, I'll have 60 days on Nov. 3rd!!! My health is getting really bad again. Life isn't very fun right now. Quick...........someone cheer me up!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!! Talk to ya'll later!

You're An Angry Drunk

Ever wake up with sore knuckles and a black eye? Thought so.

table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD" align="center">Your Hair Should Be Red</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE">
Passionate, fiery, and sassy.
You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.</td></tr></table>

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Well let's hear it for another horrible 7 days. I did get my 30 days yesterday (yay for me!!!). But my best friends dad fell from a ladder and broke his back and heel. He might die from his lungs filling with fluid. He's my "replacement" dad. We have gotten extremely close in the last 2 years. My dad died when I was 14. I am terrified I am going to lose another DAD. I started a new job yestaerday. I love it! I am working at an insurance company as a receptionist. They are going to pay for me to become an insurance seller. I am making real good money now so maybe Emily and I can move outta my mom's house into our own place.That would be sooooooo nice to have somewhere to call my own. I had a date on Saturday. It didn't go well. He hasn't called me yet so I guess he isn't interested. He kept making OLD jokes.....I'm only 3 years older than he was. I kicked his ass in darts though....lol.......and he's even on a dart league!!! So the search begins again, will I ever find true love? I know HE is out there somewhere... praying that he finds the ONE, which is the same thought that goes through my mind a lot.

Your Sexy Halloween Costume Is

Lil' Bo Peep

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

-Maya Angelou

Your Pimp Name Is...

Scandalous Skillz

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale You are active, a challenger, and optimistic. Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

Sorry I haven't updated my journal. I have been feeling like shit. You know how they say a relapese happens long before you actually use? Well I think I'm in that stage. Physically my body just can't take it anymore. I am doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. Ya know..."rarely have we seen a person fail thats has followed the steps". I DON'T WANNA USE!!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how much longer I can hold on. Any suggestions?

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

15% Yankee

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

Well I made it through.......WHEW! It's has been a llllloooooonnnnnnggggggg week, but I survived. I have to learn to quit panicing so easily. I'm finding out that things usually work themselves out. But I always freak out and give myself undue stress. Yet another of my character defects......lol. I'm am nervous as hell to start my new job tomorrow. I'ts been sooooooo long since I have done the horse scene. Of course another of my character defects is to think I'll definately screw something up. I'm going to go to work tomorrow with the attitude that I can do it, instead of wondering how I will screw up. I had a GREAT day today with my son. We played Yu-Gi-Oh for the first time in like 2 months. Then I had a friend from the program come over and he played with us for like another 2 hours. It's really nice to hang out with "my kind".......lol. They get me. I can talk to them about things I can't talk about with most people. Well I am really tired tonight. I had a really horrible panic attack today and it just wiped me out. Plus I have to get up at 5am to muck out stalls tomorrow. I am gunna be hurtin like hell for a few, but i'll make it. Not to mention all the hard work will definately help with losing some more weight. I can't believe how much weight I have lost already.....I actually think I look really good! It's been a long while since I have thought that way. Anyways......I need to get to sleep. So I'll catch ya'll tomorrow!!!!!!!!

Well I made it another day. This week has been awful difficult but I stayed clean and sober. I have been building a network of good friends and that is seeming to help. I have always been a loner of some sort and having friends is a big change for me. But it's a good change. I soon will have very little time to retreat into myself and make bad choices. Anyways on to the good news. I met a guy yesterday. It's about time!!! I really enjoy talking to him. He races cars and works on a pit crew!!! He's really hot and he has a lot of good things to stay. I am so sick of talking to dumb men. It a really nice change to have an intelligent conversation with one for once. I really wish someone would read this journal and post some comments in it. I would love to get feedback or constructive criticism. There are many points of my life that could use improvement. In this process of re-inventing myself I need all the help I can get......lol. Talk to ya'll tomorrow!!!

Me!!!

Hi Everyone!!! Welcome to my online journal. Here you are gunna find out all about me. The good, bad and the very ugly...lol! I need to start writing cause I need to get the shit in my head out! I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. Right now I am going through a ton of shit. I am having problems with a former employer (which I can't discuss due to the legality of the issue). My bank keeps losing my money. I'm getting outta there as soon as possible. Today I am clean and sober!!! On October 3rd it will be a month. I know I am supposed to just look at TODAY but I am excited about getting my head screwed on straight for once. I found a temp sponsor yesterday and actually called her when I wanted to use (something I haven't done in the past, which is one of the reasons I go back to using). My treatment place is already talking about sending me on my way because the insurance won't cover more than 20 days. That really sucks cause I want all the help I can get. But they found a really good therapist for me for afterwards. I start my new job on Sunday!!! It's been a while since I have worked with the horses, but I guess it's like riding a bike; you never forget. I still need to find a more permanent job because I really need money. I need to get my debts paid off and I really wanna spoil Emily and Andy. Emily is my baby girl. She is 2 years old and a royal brat sometimes....lol. I also have a son whose name is Andy. He is 6 years old and one of the smartest people I know. The kid is gunna grow up to be a Mensa member or something. I am single at the moment but if I had it my way I would change that. I am very lonely. It's been a long time since I have had anyone to hold me when I am blue. But I know I can't force anything because it'll never happen then. Oh well....when the time is right I will find love again. Until then I have Emily to make me smile.